Pray for Burma!

Read this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/27/world/asia/27cnd-myanmar.html?hp

The wee hours of the night.

So here it is, 1:56 AM, and I have yet to go to sleep. I'm eating an apple and watching a movie about Moses in the hopes that learning about the exile of the Jews will tire my body out and lull me to sleep. Fat chance. I've never felt more awake. I feel like this is my body preparing myself for the jet lag I will experience next Wednesday.

I finished grading all 96 final exams today. Whew. Each section took about 4 - 5 hours to grade. In one of my classes, I predict that a good half the class will fail the course. No, I'm not kidding, although I wish I was. The class is constructed in such a way that students can easily cheat, copy, or coast with little effort. However, with the final exam, the truth comes out. I have mixed feelings about this: I hate to fail hardworking students who just aren't at the level they need to be, but in reality, some of my students deserve to fail.

This is not an uncommon occurence. I received a sheet in my mailbox informing me that last semester, over 600 first-year students failed ENG 103. It makes me feel a little better that this is not a reflection of me as a teacher; I have some students who were motivated, questioning and hard-working; those students are getting A's and B's.

I have one more final to proctor on Monday. Hopefully I'll be finished calculating most of the final grades tomorrow. And then, time to watch A LOT of in-flight movies.

I can't really believe that I'm going home in five days. It seems strange to think of being in the US after more than four months in Thailand. I've forgotten what it is like. My mom asked me what I wanted to eat while home and I couldn't even remember what American people eat in their everyday lives. All I know is that I'll be eating nothing but cereal for the first week. I can't afford cereal here on my salary as a box of Lucky Charms costs about $9 USD, quite expensive.

Moses is still wandering in the desert. Another 39 years of exile to go. Sleep, come soon!

Yes, Thai is the 5th hardest language in the world to learn (or something like that).

I started my private Thai lessons last week. My tutor is named Neng. He is twenty-six, graduated as an English major from CMU and now works at an elementary school here in Chiang Mai. He also studied abroad in Minnesota for a year. Basically, he is terrific. He is also a very good teacher.

We started by reviewed the personal pronouns (of which there are a grand total of about fourteen) and the tones. Thai is a tonal language, which means that you communicate not only with words but also with the pitches you use when you say the words. For example, if you say the word "maa" with a high tone it means dog, but if you say "maa" with a rising tone it means horse (or it might be the other way around...) You can see that I need the practice!

Today we worked on sentence structure. SO CONFUSING. I can stumble about in Thai and carry on a conversation but I forgot how complicated everything is. However, Neng is very encouraging and says "Very good!" every time I say something right, with a note of surprise in his voice.

I practiced on my department head; hopefully I didn't say anything offensive. I'm thrilled that what I learned the last time is slowly coming back to me. Maybe by the time I leave Thailand in March I will be fluent! Here's hoping!

*** AFTERTHOUGHT:

I finished my last class today. Three of my classes have their final exam this next Monday. I'm beginning to calculate grades, adding points for participation and attendance. I can't even believe that the semester is almost over and I have been here for almost four months. I know that the next semester will fly by and I'll be back in the US of A before you can say "maa."

Current reading list...

If anyone is interested, here are some books that I have read in the last month, or that I am still working on:

"Howard's End" by EM Forester

"Light in August" by William Faulkner

"Far From the Madding Crowd" by Thomas Hardy

"Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"A Farewell to Arms" by Ernest Hemingway

I'd especially recommend the two by Garcia Marquez, a Columbian writer. It was one of his books, "Chronicle of a Death Foretold," that got me interested in world / multi-ethnic / postcolonial literature. Read them and we can talk about magical realism! So fun.

Devotion.

When I leave my apartment for my 8:00 AM class, I hop on a taxi to go to the university. As I pass near a covered walkway on the way to the English Department, I see a sight that never fails to move me: students dressed in pristine white and black uniforms, kneeling on hard, uneven pavement, their hands folded in front of them as several robed monks chant blessings. The morning alms rounds have begun.

I have deep respect for the religion of Buddhism, in part because of the fond memories I have from working at the Buddhist university at Wat Suan Dok when I was a student here. It emphasizes human kindness and goodness. One of my favorite people in the entire world, a Buddhist monk named Phra Tong, used to say, "Do not do anything that would bring another unhappiness." True words to live by. It has been my experience that learning about and appreciating other religions brings me a deeper understanding of my own faith. Seeing the devotion of the Buddhist students convicts me for lacking my own. I long for intimacy with Jesus, yet so often I get complacent and comfortable. Being here in Thailand makes complacency a little harder. I am in a country that, while very tolerant of other faiths, has a Christian population of less than 2%. I am constantly surrounded by people that do not share what I believe. This is hard; I miss healthy Christian community.

However, as my wise parents have reminded me, here in Chiang Mai I can be in the world but not of it. I pray that my presence in Thailand, in Chiang Mai, can break some of the stereotypes of Christians that I have encountered here; that by the grace of God, I could show what being a follower of Jesus means. I have no confidence in my own abilities, but hope that I would be a willing vessel, ready to be poured out in service.

So again, dear friends, I ask for you to pray with me. Like I have written before, I am convinced that God had His hand in bringing me back to Thailand; and the knowledge that people at home are praying is a constant source of comfort and reassurance to me. Thanks.

That's me.

So blessed.

Since the end of the first semester draws near, it has become time for.... drumroll, please... teacher evaluations! Teacher evaluations consist of some standardized forms that are passed out to the students so that they can evaluate me, tell me what I am doing well, what could be improved upon, and so on.

I clearly remember filling out teacher evaluations at Westmont and it looks a bit different now from the viewpoint of the teacher. I could be pretty harsh sometimes, letting professors know what I liked and what I didn't like about the course. Perhaps the words "brutally honest" could be used. Now, as I have been preparing myself to be evaluated, I have felt a little sick to my stomach. I have tried so hard to be a good teacher and to give my students every opportunity to do well. It made me nervous to be in a vulnerable position where my fragile self-confidence in my teaching abilities could be shot down.

I passed out my first two sets of evaluations to my freshman classes and waited, nervously, for them to fill them out and return them. The instructions are all in Thai so I couldn't read them, but I could read the comments that the students wrote on the back. Here are some examples of the comments they wrote:

"Very good for teaching."

"Nice teacher."

"She try to explain when the students don't understand."

"She patients in students so much."

I was so moved by what some of them wrote that I got a little teary-eyed as I was reading them. I cannot explain the affirmation I feel by seeing that they gave me such high ratings and wrote incredibly kind comments. In all honesty, I went into this job having no idea what I was doing, and to get such positive feedback from my students means so much to me. Now I could care less what the department thinks of me; if the students learned something and felt the class was worth their time, that is all I need. Really.

These past few months have confirmed my career path in education. I have discovered that I love teaching. I do, I love it. I love being in front of a classroom, I love it when students are engaged and are thinking, I love when I can visibly see them understand something. I don't love the material I am teaching here at CMU, but if I could teach my own literature classes... wow. I'd be a lucky girl.

I don't know if I even realize the importance of this revelation. I am blessed by God that I would have an opportunity to use my gifts and that I could identify my strengths so soon in such a concrete way. More and more I realize that my Father prepared this place for me, prepared this year at this university in this country; He is faithful to me time and time again. To God be the glory.

Heaven.

One great thing about my teaching schedule is that I have a lot of free time during the day. The main way that I like to occupy my down time at the English Department is reading. I'm trying to read all the books that I should have read but haven't. I've been buying books at the Gecko Bookstore in the Old City (within the old city walls), but that can get expensive as my reading list grows.

Today, I wandered into the CMU library to explore a little and see if I could find an English books section. Not only did I find an English section, but they have five or six Norton Anthologies! The promised land! For those of you who don't know, the Norton Anthology is the most respected in the field of English literature. Only an English major would get excited about finding a Norton Anthology. All the gang was there: Frost, Blake, Shakespeare, Melville, Fitzgerald... There is enough to keep me busy until I leave in March.

I walked up and down the shelves, devouring the book titles with my eyes. I'm sure it was obvious I was thrilled; there were some students around and I think they thought it strange that someone was getting so excited over some old books. I didn't try to contain my excitement and tomorrow I am going to get a library card so I can begin!

Je parle francais, chan phut passa thai, I speak English.

I interviewed applicants for the Northern Thailand Rotary Club exchange program on Saturday. They were high school students ranging from 15 - 17, and were motivated, interesting and ambitious students. I was very impressed. My job was to have a short interview with each of the students (in English) and evaluate them on comprehension, skill, charisma, personal interaction, etc.

The last student I interviewed was a young girl who wanted to study in France. I asked her to introduce herself in French (since I speak a little) and then in English. She is sixteen years old and speaks three languages: Thai, French and English.

I feel so ashamed of myself for allowing my status as a native English speaker to enable me to "coast" as far as languages are concerned. I'm 22 years old, and I think I should do better. So I'm going to do better. I'm going to start private Thai lessons soon, and will hopefully become more fluent. I am going to start reading French literature to refresh what I learned in high school and college. And my next goal is to learn Spanish. I'll work on that once I get back to California... My goal is fluency in four languages: English, French, Thai and Spanish.

I'm amazed that some of the people who have been here in Thailand for years don't speak Thai. I think it is a sign of respect to the people and country of Thailand for long-term residents to learn the language. In my opinion, it is extremely ethnocentric to not at least try. Whenever I speak in Thai to locals, they rave about my skills and how wonderful it is that a foreigner would speak to them in their own language. It frustrates me that many Americans think that they don't need to speak other languages - or even worse, that EVERYONE ELSE should learn English.

I've encountered a lot of negativity towards Thailand and ethnocentrism since I've been here. People around me are always comparing this country with their own and making evaluations. Some live in their own little safe, American world where they hardly participate with Thai culture/Thai people. It really frustrates me, though I must admit that sometimes I am guilty of doing the exact same thing. My motivation for coming here was to learn more about Thai culture and experience it. Yes, it is different. Yes, some things can be frustrating. Yes, people tend to be more passive here. But c'mon, people! Let's be respectful!

I pray that I will not be critical and appreciate the richness of the differences between this country and my own, and appreciate how lucky I am to have this experience abroad. Pray with me, friends.

The art of "songtao" selection.

Without fail, I always manage to choose the worst taxi imaginable.

The best form of public transportation here in Chiang Mai (as the city lacks a decent bus or subway system) is by "songtao," the red pickup trucks that have benches in the back and a roof. At about $0.50 per ride, they are an easy and cheap way to navigate the city.

The interesting thing about songtaos is that they are like a shared taxi. This means that several people will share a ride and the driver drops them off according to who was first. The best situation is to nab an empty songtao, which means that you will be dropped off first, probably in a timely manner; however, there is no guarantee.

Here are some examples of recent songtaos that I have ridden in:

- one with wires hanging from the ceilings, making me wonder if my life was about to end by electrocution
- one that was empty when I got on but rapidly filled with eleven (eleven!) junior high girls, all chattering loudly
- one where I hopped on and arrived at my destination thirty-five minutes later (I was about ten minutes away when I started that journey)
- one with speakers blaring Thai music into the back of the cab at 7:30 in the morning

... and those are just in the past week.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I think that songtaos work admirably most of the time and they are certainly convenient. Also, the knowledge of the drivers is impressive. I simply have a knack for choosing the worst of the bunch. I'm sure some people pick the songtao that is clean, fast and empty all the time. Apparently, I'm not one of them.

Khrupkrua dichon (my family).

My brother Nathan and my sister-in-law Milli left for Cairo, Egypt today, where they will work at a NGO for a year. I'm really excited for them (and it gives me an excuse to visit Egypt) but I'm also a little saddened, knowing that I won't see them again for a long time - well, a year, unless I visit them.

I knew coming into this job that missing holidays at home would be the hardest part of the year. I love my house at Christmas. Every cheesy paper Santa and Amy Grant song smacks of my idlylic childhood. We always choose a Christmas tree that is way too tall for even our living room's vaulted ceiling and putting up the tree in the stand is a task that, without fail, jeopardizes my parent's marriage (well, at least for the twenty minutes it takes until the tree is up).

Yes, I know, I realize that it is only September and Christmas is a long time away, but since two of my siblings jetted off to Africa, this means that my small family is spread over three different continents. I think because I have such a small family makes holidays like Christmas even more important to me. Even thinking about missing Christmas at home makes me homesick.

But here is the new news: I changed my plane ticket to go home during the semester break for October 3rd instead of October 9th, which gives me six more coveted days at home. My little sister will be home from Westmont for her fall four-day break and I miss her something awful. So, a month from today, I will be on an airplane flying across an ocean to go home. Gulp. I hate flying. I do it because I love traveling more than I hate flying. I think that having two weeks at home will get me through missing Christmas when December rolls around. I'm content with going home instead of traveling because I have traveled in Thailand extensively already; I don't feel like I'm missing out. Twenty-four hours with my family will refresh me emotionally in a way that a week on the beach could never do.